Relationships are formed on the basis of love and trust people put in each other. It flourishes when two individuals come together consensually to go above themselves and care for the other person and create a sense of belongingness in each other.
As no human is perfect, no relationship can be perfect. At some or the other point in their lives, they are going to face some problems. It is indeed part of the journey to face certain hurdles but what is important here is that people in relationships take efforts to resolve them and enjoy the journey together.
Here are some common problems that are faced by people in relationships. It is important to note that these problems might vary in their intensity and form from relationship to relationship.
It has been observed quite frequently that when two individuals start their lives together and have been together for quite some time, they start taking each other for granted. For example, it is understood by one that the other is going to assume and understand what they are trying to say or do. And such an assumption is obviously based on some previous experiences where both the individuals have understood each other well, but nonetheless, it creates communication gaps and hence conflicts.
These communication gaps then start becoming base for other problems like mistrust, dishonesty, moving apart emotionally etc.
How to resolve: Healthy communication is a tool to go about solving each problem. But especially in such a scenario when miscommunication and misunderstanding is being caused due to lack of communication, it becomes all the more important to have a healthy conversation. Each in the relationship should get equal opportunity to express their needs and talk about their feelings about the concern at hand. Lay some ground rules, write notes to each other (makes it a little romantic too), give reminders to each other, and take out some time at the end of the day to talk to each other.
When two people decide to be in a relationship, it so often occurs that the boundaries between them become very blurred. In order to care for the other and show love for the other, one forgets to show the same care and love for themselves.
This causes frustration and one often lashes out on the other mentioning that they are not getting enough space, or they are not being able to be themselves or they are feeling suffocated in the relationship.
How to resolve: Maintaining individuality is very important so as to not feel these things. When one starts feeling suffocated in a relationship, they look outwards for that comfort, for feeling themselves and that causes many other problems. Again, have clear boundaries among yourselves, talk about what can you do to provide space to the other and what is needed from your side, divide the chores equally so that no one person feels burdened, respect each other’s choices, respect each other’s friend circles, give opportunities to each other to take out “me time” and most importantly accept each other unconditionally.
Possessiveness and Jealousy
“I don’t like that you wear such clothes”, “I don’t like that you talk to other girls/guys”, “I don’t want you to go out late with your friends”, “I don’t want you to drink with girls/guys”
These are all indications that one is being too possessive or jealous. It is very much connected to the fact that either of them is losing out on maintaining their individuality or one is very insecure of the other.
Insecurity pops up when there is miscommunication, mistrust, disrespect and suspicion involved between two people. This insecurity can lead to display of extreme possessive behaviour by one of the partners which can in turn lead to feelings of suffocation and no space by the other.
How to fix: No one wants to feel anxious all the time about where their partner is, with whom they are, what they are doing, whom they are talking about nor no one likes being controlled at all times. Hence, resolving their insecurities is very important to keep possessiveness and jealousy out of the relationship.
Developing a trustworthy relationship from the start is important. Trust is built with as much open communication as possible along with acceptance of the other person as they are as an individual. If that space to talk about their feelings and thoughts in a non-judgemental manner is given from the beginning, each will feel secure with each other. Hence, giving that enough space to express themselves, spending enough quality time with each other, showing continuous efforts to love and care for the other person can help resolve possessiveness and jealousy.
Infidelity is the most heartbreaking problem that a relationship can face. It dissolves all the trust and respect one puts in the other-two very strong pillars of a relationship. . It has served to be one of the most common problems that cause separation, divorce or breakup. There are many possible causes of infidelity and often people find it very hard to accept any justification for the same. Infidelity is not only when one cheats on the other by indulging in any physical relationship with someone else but also when one tends to emotionally drift from their partner and get close to someone else.
How to fix: If looked upon carefully, infidelity usually occurs when some needs are not met by the partner. When one is committing to a monogamous relationship, one shall also consider the fact that no one is perfect and no one can meet all the needs. There are certain needs that one has to compromise in order to make the relationship work and rest of the needs shall be communicated to the partner clearly. When each in the relationship is aware about the various physical, emotional and social needs of their partner, the next step is to actively make sure that you are making enough efforts to meet them and communicating clearly if you are finding it difficult to meet them. Again, if an open communication chain is kept between the two where each can discuss the fears, feelings, attractions, infatuations and desires of any nature without being judged, infidelity can be avoided.
On the whole, if you notice:
- Open communication
- Spending quality time doing things that each like
- Helping each other maintain their individuality
- Creating a space for unconditional acceptance and non-judgemental listening
These will help resolve most of the common problems that are faced in a relationship along with having a strong and trustworthy social support to help out, attitude to maintain the relationship, knowing when to stop and approach for any professional help.
So this Valentine’s take a pledge to revisit your relationship and see if changes are needed to make sure you don’t let these common problems come in between yourselves. The journey is surely with some hurdles but that is the beauty of it, that you have someone to walk it with!
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